Weak
by CelestialAuthor
Summary: Bill Cipher still has a hold over Dipper Pines, can he muster up the strength to fight this inner demon?


Weak

"You're mine now Pinetree. Mine forever" Bill whispered in the young boys ear as he tore away at the last of his clothes and his dignity. Tears rolled down Dipper's cheeks as he accepted his fate. Broken and beaten he submitted to Bill...

Dipper awoke with a start, his heart hammering inside his chest. sweat drenching his bed sheets, running his hands over his scared arms he blinked back the tears that were trying to force themselves out.

"Fuck!" He muttered to himself, ashamed that he'd been woken up by yet another nightmare. He moved himself back so his back was resting against the headboard of his bed. A soft crinkling sound and the dampness around his crotch reminding him that even though Bill was gone he still had a hold over Dipper, a hold the boy feared would never break. His parents had been concerned when Dipper returned home from his summer in Gravity Falls and began to wet the bed. He managed to convince them that it was stress from school and the extra classes he was going to be taking, thankfully for him, his parents brought his story. Mabel on the other hand. She knew the truth.

"Dipper come downstairs for a minute please?" His father called up to him

"Sure thing, coming" He replied, leaving his game on pause and making his way downstairs. He walked into the living room to find his parents and twin sister sat on the couch waiting for him

"What's going on?" Dipper asked, taking the seat opposite them

"Mason... Your father and I are concerned about you"

"Why?" Dipper asked, feigning ignorance, he knew exactly why they were worrying

"Well... Becasue of the bedwetting. We just want to make sure everything's okay. You're not in any kind of trouble are you?"

"No, no trouble... It's just well..." Dipper began, trying to recall the story he'd been working on for when his parents asked him about his accidents.

"It's just these new extra classes I'm taking at school, they're a bit difficult and sometimes a bit overwhelming" Dipper admitted, looking straight past his parents to the wall behind them.

"Oh okay. Just make sure you don't allow yourself to become to overwhelmed okay?"

"Okay mom" he agreed, getting up to go back to his room.

Five minutes later he heard a small knock on his door

"Come in" He replied, Mabel shuffled into his room.

"Hey Dipperchu"

"What's up Mabel?"

"It's not your school classes is it? It's what happened in Gravity Falls, it's Bill isn't it?" Mabel asked. Dipper didn't say anything. Mabel took a small step forward, "You can tell me, I won't say anything to mom or dad or even to Grunkles Stan and Ford" Mabel told him

"It is" Dipper admitted. Mabel walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him

"it's okay bro bro, it's gonna be fine" she whispered to him, rubbing his back gently

That was two years ago now and nothing seemed to ease up for Dipper. Not the bedwetting, the depression, anxiety, panic attacks. If anything it'd had all gotten worse for Dipper, he was losing everything... He lost Pacifica, he'd lost his friends. He hardly left his room. The boy who left for Gravity Falls was not the boy who returned and Dipper feared he would never be that person again.

Dipper got out of bed and waddled out to the bathroom. He threw his soaked t shirt into the hamper and untaped his soiled diaper into the bin before turning the shower on and stepping under the hot water.

"I'm so sick of this" Dipper muttered as he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself before sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. He picked up his razor and placed the blade to the bare skin of his wrist.

"What's one more scar?" He thought to himself. It had been over a year since the last time he'd cut, the blade against his skin scared him more now, rather than the comfort he used to feel. His hand trembled as he recalled his sister's words from a year ago when he decided that he'd had enough.

Dipper finished writing with a full stop, laying the note he'd finished on his bed. He quickly took his pencil sharpener apart and picked up the exposed blade. He was thankful to be home alone, ending everything when he was on his own seemed the fitting way to go (in his mind anyway) Dipper pressed the blade against his wrist and took a deep breath.

"Dipper, have you... WHAT THE FUCK!" Mabel exclaimed, her tone changing as she looked on in horror at the scene before her. The shock of his sister walking in on him caused Dipper to jump and drop the blade. Mabel rushed over to her brother and picked up the blade before he could placing it in her picked before dropping to her knees in front of him.

"Mabel... I... I thought you were out" Dipper answered, verging on tears

"So you think it's okay to hurt yourself just cause nobody is around to see it?" Mabel asked as she stood back up. Dipper stayed silent, his eyes fixed on his sister's shoes. Not daring to look up at her. Mabel spotted the note on Dipper's bed, she walked over and picked it up, reading through it.

"So, this isn't just self harming now? You was really going to end it?" Mabel asked, tears now forming in her eyes.

"Yes" Dipper choked. Mabel walked back over to him, taking him by the hand she pulled him up and led him into her bedroom. She sat him down on her bed, sitting next to him with an arm around him.

"Why?" A simple question, just one word. It was enough though that tears began to roll down Dipper's cheeks.

"Because I'm weak" Dipper stated, and before he could help himself the floodgates had opened

"I can't take this anymore Mabel. I wet the bed every night like a baby, nightmares wake me up. I see Bill every time I close my eyes. I just... I can't keep going on like this... I've tried to be strong but the only time I feel it is when I cut... Bill never made me bleed, but I can. It's the only time I feel that I'm stronger than him" Dipper sobbed. Mabel just held on to her brother while she figured what she could say.

"Dipper..."

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you the one big difference between you and Bill?"

"Sure, I guess" Dipper answered, deciding to play along with his sister

"Bill's gone and you're still here. Even though it's hard right now and the road to feeling better is gonna be a long one... You're alive... You're not weak, because... Being alive... Is a sign of strength" Mabel told him, keeping a tight hold on him. Dipper had heard enough from her and he finally broke down, grabbing on tightly to the back of her sweater

"Mabel... I..." Dipper began but was cut off

"Dipper, I know everything seems hopeless right now but don't... Don't give up. That summer in Gravity Falls we fought every battle that came our way and we won. This is just another battle and I refuse to stand by and watch you give up. I won't lose you. I can't. We'll walk away from this battle together" Mabel promised

He put down the razor blade. quickly taped a fresh diaper on and tip-toed out fo the bathroom, down the hallway to Mabel's bedroom. He crept inside as quietly as he could and sat down on the edge of her bed. Gently prodding her awake. She sat up, yawning.

"Mabel..." He whispered

"Bad dreams again? She asked

"Mmhmm" Dipper confirmed. Mabel moved over and made enough space for Dipper to lie down next to her, gently she draped one arm over his chest while she gently played with his hair as she whispered reaffirming words in his ears.

"Thanks Mabel" he sighed. It didn't take long for Dipper to drift off back to sleep in the one place he felt anything but weak.


End file.
